


It's Strange

by amaryllis (Lilly0)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Apologies, Bingo, Cap_Ironman Bingo, Community: cap_ironman, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Feelings, Feels, Forgiveness, Implied Relationships, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Past Relationship(s), Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Feels, Unspoken, cap-ironman bingo fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/amaryllis
Summary: Where to pick up again when you don't even know where you stopped?Steve thought he was ready to see Tony again, but realizes he is not prepared for the feelings he is facing. He wonders if Tony is ready to forgive and be forgiven, and if he will ever trust Steve again.(used bingo prompt: apology)(obviously Civil War related, but also kinda Infinity War related, so a small SPOILER warning is probably due? I'm not mentioning anything major from the movies though, I think... but better to be safe ^^. This is also an alternate ending to the movie!)





	It's Strange

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER-warning (at least a bit)
> 
> Set somewhere after or during Infinity War (movie). I worked with an alternate version of the ending. Let's just imagine that Tony and Doctor Strange returned together and the dust-thing didn't happen (yet). 
> 
> Also, the lame pun in the title was intended. I apologize XD

Steve does not expect to feel what he feels when he sees Tony again. Together with the wizard. He knows they have been stuck up there, somewhere, and fought side by side. He knows because Bruce has told him, and there is nothing unusual about it. Nothing that unsettled Steve except that Tony was somewhere in the freaking universe, floating around God knows where, and fighting without any Avengers – currently retired, kicked out or not – at his side.

 

He knows they are not on speaking terms right now, avoiding each other, but he would have never let Tony fly off on that rotating donut alone!

 

He thought he was prepared to meet Tony again, wanted to meet him so badly since the moment they went separated ways. He has tried to find out where he went wrong in the past, where Tony went wrong, where they could have dealt with everything differently. Better. Make better decisions. But no matter how hard he tries, he never finds an answer. He just knows one thing for sure: He should have been honest to Tony. Told him the truth, no matter how much it would have hurt. That’s the biggest regret he has.

 

He knows Tony isn’t going to let their past influence the battle they are approaching now, he is professional like that, just like Steve. It’s not about holding old grudges, because Tony for sure battles the same devils Steve fights against, tries to find answers to the same questions. It’s not about work. Not even about friendship, because at the end of the day they know they’ll be there for each other when needed. But Steve knows on a personal level Tony is probably not going to trust him again.

 

When he sees the Doctor for the first time, reality strikes Steve all of a sudden. Making him realize how he doesn’t fit Tony at all. How this guy probably does a far better job in understanding Tony’s brain.

 

There are days when Steve doesn’t understand what’s going through Tony’s mind, what he deals with, doesn’t get his trail of thoughts, and what he is saying or why he says it, what he actually wants to say.

 

Stephen Strange probably understands.

 

He would have found a way to tell Tony the truth about the death of his parents.

 

He fits Tony so much better than Steve does, or ever will.

 

~~~

 

Steve knows the problem is that they never put a name on what they are. Were. They were friends, and sometimes more than that. But he never knew what Tony wanted for the future, and never dared to ask. Never knew how he felt.

 

“Need any help?” Steve asks, like it’s the most normal thing to do. To approach your ex-occasional-something after two years of not talking to each other. He doesn’t even know why he dared to approach him with no one else around. Just them. But seeing Tony in the library, alone, thoughtful, and so beautiful… it made Steve’s feet walk on their own.

 

Tony looks up at him. If he is surprised, he hides it well. “Take that,” he tells Steve, and hands him a staple with books.

 

“Alphabetical order?” Steve asks. Tony is peculiar about putting books and folders in an order, he knows that. Could be any system he chose for these. It’s better to ask before.

 

“Yes.”

 

They work next to each other in silence. It’s a dull work, Steve thinks, boring even, but somehow being so close to Tony makes him feel comfortable and wary at the same time. He swallows nervously. “Listen To-“

 

“Nope,” Tony interrupts him.

 

Steve throws him an annoyed glance. “You don’t even know what I wanted to say.”

 

Tony raises his eyebrows. “Pretend apology. Kind of excuse for not calling. Half assed attempt to make me apologize as well.” He puts some books aside. “Did that hit home?”

 

Sometimes Tony is too smart for his own good. Steve shakes his head. “Don’t make this all my fault,” he points out. “I sent you the phone and the letter. I reached out to you.”

 

“Well, you had the number too,” Tony says dryly. “You know, my ear is burning from the many calls I received from you~”

 

“I reached out for you,” Steve repeats earnestly. “The next move would have been yours.”

 

“You sent me a phone for emergencies,” Tony argues. “You said, in case I need your help, I should call. Nothing about whenever I want I could call you.”

 

Steve throws him a glance of surprise, not sure if Tony actually truly believes what he said just now. Was it really more than their own pride getting in their way? Tony looks away all of a sudden.

 

Right when Steve thinks he will just leave things unspoken, words hanging between them, he suddenly turns to look at Steve again. “I didn’t know what to say.”

 

There is no sarcasm in his voice, no teasing, and it’s so not Tony that it feels like someone just punched Steve.

 

“I couldn’t let you kill him,” Steve hears himself say. When he is with Tony he sometimes loses his ability to form coherent sentences, to actually make his brain function normally. That’s what Tony is doing to him.

 

“I know.” Tony smiles, but his eyes don’t. “And I’m glad I didn’t. Despite everything I’m glad I didn’t murder him out of revenge.” Tony lets out a sigh, like he is tired. “But at the same time it doesn’t sit well with me either.” Tony grabs a folder and his notebook. “I’ll be checking on Vision,” he says. “See you around… I guess.”

 

See him around. At least something that returned to normal, Steve thinks. They are fighting on the same side again. “Tony,” he says before Tony is about to leave. “I should have told you.”

 

Something flashes in Tony’s eyes, and Steve isn’t quite sure what it is. Anger for bringing it up now, surprise for hearing it out of Steve’s mouth, sadness for being remembered again. Maybe it’s all three options, or none, but it’s better than the blank expression from before.

 

“Yeah,” Tony answers. “But who knows?”

 

~~~

 

Natasha hands him a cup with coffee in a fancy paper cup. “I saw you talking to each other yesterday.”

 

Steve raises his eyebrows. “You bought me coffee just because of that?”

 

“No, I bought you coffee because you talked without trying to kill each other off!”

 

Steve snorts.

 

“Don’t laugh,” Natasha says in a voice that doesn’t make it clear if she is amused, annoyed or serious. She is even more complicated to read than Tony, and that says a lot. “In my world that’s what I call a progress.”

 

“In my world-“ Steve argues. “That’s what I call two former friends who treat each other like strangers now, like two guys who occasionally meet each other in the same grocery store.”

 

Natasha chuckles. “Still better than trying to kill each other off.”

 

Steve smiles, the light-hearted banter indeed raising his mood. “You know,” he says all of a sudden. “I never planned on killing him off.”

 

“I know.”

 

“And I never want to fight a friend again.”

 

“Or an occasional acquaintance at the grocery store,” she adds.

 

“Or an occasional acquaintance at the grocery store.”

 

She nods. “Also this, I know.”

 

“I should have told him that Bucky killed his parents,” Steve admits.

 

Natasha stays silent for a while. “Steve, you didn’t know how to tell him.”

 

“Yes.” Steve nods. “But that’s not an excuse. I kept the truth for too long. He should have learned the truth from me and not from a video, in the middle of nowhere.”

 

“You don’t know how he would have reacted,” Natasha points out. “Believe me, I know how it feels, how hard it is, to know the truth and not being able to tell someone.”

 

“It’s just an excuse, Nat,” he interrupts her. It’s not about the war anymore, about standing on different sides, about disagreements, it’s just… that. He can’t tell her, but he takes a wild guess that she understands anyways.

 

“So,” he says after a while to diffuse the heavy atmosphere. “What about you and Bruce?”

 

“And-“ she takes her coffee again, turning to leave. “I’m outta here.”

 

 

~~~

 

“So, what’s your relationship with the wizard?” Steve tries to go for a light tone, as light and random as he can. But apparently he fails.

 

For a second it seems like Tony loses control over his facial expression. He swears had he known that Tony was capable of showing such an expression of mere disbelief he would have tried to elicit it form him earlier.

 

Tony regains his composure fast though. “Not sure what you are talking about. You know, sure, Wong is a good guy.” He points his finger at Steve teasingly. “And not without humour if I may add so. But we are definitely not more than acquaintances for now.”

 

Steve heaves a sigh. “You know exactly what I was talking about, Tony.”

 

“Do I?” he asks sharply. “Then tell me what you really want to know? Do you really think I’m so desperate I would jump the next-best guy, just because the person I’ve slept with twice and kissed four times wasn’t available for a while?”

 

Steve tries to sort and process all the information he just received. “Does this mean you actually stayed… loyal to me?”

 

Tony’s eyes widen. “Okay, I think we have just reached a new level of embarrassing now.” He sighs. “Why are you even asking? Did _you_ find someone to date?”

 

“No,” Steve says immediately. “Just once when I tried to drown away my sorrow in a bar, someone kissed me out of the blue. A second later after I pushed her away I found out she mistook me for Clint. Though we don’t even remotely resemble each other…”

 

“Why are you even telling me this?” Tony sounds frustrated all of a sudden. “Things like this are supposed to be kept a secret, depending on your future plans of course.”

 

“Why should I lie?” Steve argues. “You know me, I’m the worst liar ever.” A pause. “Normally.”

 

Tony looks at his feet for a while. “Did you ever ask yourself how it can be that you can’t lie to anyone, except when it’s me?”

 

“Yes, I’ve been asking myself this question daily.”

 

Tony seems to be surprised by his words. For a moment there is a look in his eyes. Something Steve hasn’t seen in a long while. It’s gone as fast as it came though, but Steve is glad to know it’s still there.

 

Tony seems to realize that their current interaction seems to be going in an unexpected direction, so he closes off. As usual. “I’ve still work to do, Steve.”

 

“Of course.” Steve smiles. “And it’s been five times”

 

“Sorry?”

 

“We kissed five times.”

 

He could swear Tony blushes slightly at his words.

 

~~~

 

The next day he meets Tony coincidentally in the elevator. “Have you eaten?”

 

Tony shrugs. “I forgot.”

 

Steve nods, handing him one half of his sandwich. “Take this for now.”

 

Tony stares at him, wordlessly taking the offered sandwich. When he is still quiet when they reach the bottom floor, about to meet the others, Steve just has to ask. “Anything wrong?”

 

“No.” Tony looks at him thoughtfully. “You are just giving mixed signals.”

 

Before Steve can ask anything the door opens and he can see Natasha and the others.

“Wow,” Rhodey comments dryly. “To see you both coming here together without punching each other…”

 

“My words exactly,” Natasha comments.

 

“Didn’t know it was an option to kick him through the door,” Tony answers with a grin, the usual sarcasm dripping from his voice.

 

Steve rolls his eyes, but can’t help but feel slightly amused.

 

~~~

 

“Do you think I’m giving mixed signals?”

 

Thor looks at him in surprise. “Signals?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What kind of signals?”

 

Steve sighs. “That’s what I’m asking you about.”

 

Thor snorts. “Care to give me more details?”

 

“Let’s say… you have been seeing… this woman. You never put a name to what you are, but… well… you are not together, but you don’t want to be with anyone else either, although she is annoying, arrogant and has a huge ego. And never holds her sarcasm.”

 

“Hm.” Thor makes. “Cute. And?”

 

“You kinda have a dispute and don’t see each other for a while. Since you weren’t officially anything, you never dared to approach her afterwards. Now you do. And it could be worse… but she suddenly tells you, you are giving mixed signals.”

 

Thor stares at him for a minute, or even two. And Steve almost believes he didn’t hear what he said, was too preoccupied with something else. “Everything alright?” he asks in worry.

 

“You and Tony did really have this sort of relationship!?” Thor blurts out in disbelief.

 

“What?” Steve asks, suddenly appalled. “I’m not talking about Tony!”

 

Thor pats his shoulder. “Just never tell him the part with the ego, he is going to be mad. And then you won’t get any-“

 

“Thanks for the talk, Thor,” Steve interrupts him, before he can get any sexual advice from Odin’s son.

 

“If you want actual help, don’t ask me, but Natasha or that weird Doctor. They know more about these things than I do.”

 

“Why is everyone talking about the Doctor!?” Steve huffs in sudden annoyance.

 

Thor raises his eyebrows. “Why are you so upset?”

 

“Nothing, it’s okay.”

 

~~~

 

“We happen to run into each other a lot,” Steve states when he meets Tony in the kitchen, shortly after midnight.

 

Tony takes a sip from his glass, and Steve is dying to know what he has filled it with. Tony stopped drinking a while ago, but… “Might be because we live in a house together at the moment,” Tony snorts.

 

“If it helps, I could move to the hotel down the street,” Steve jokes lamely. To his surprise Tony chuckles.

 

Hearing him laugh does something to Steve. His chest feels warm all of a sudden, something tugging at his stomach. He takes a step towards Tony, and when Tony doesn’t move away, another one. He is close enough now to see the tired bags under Tony’s eyes. Reaching out a hand he cups Tony’s cheek, brushing over the sensitive spot right under his eyes with his thumb.

 

Tony lets him and Steve swears his heart feels like it’s about to jump out of his chest. His gaze falls on the glass in Tony’s hand though, and he wonders how he should ask.

 

Tony lets out a sigh. “It’s just water, Steve,” he says calmly. He takes a step away from Steve and his hand, and puts the glass on the counter before he leaves. Lost in his thoughts Steve grabs it and takes a sip from it. It’s then that he realizes Tony told the truth. It’s just water.

 

He is such an idiot for killing the mood.

 

Besides he could have just kissed Tony and find out what he was drinking that way.

 

~~~

 

He has to admit that the asshole aka the Doctor isn’t that much of a bad person he hoped he would be. He is intelligent, attractive, composed and just the right amount of annoying and arrogant. Kind of like Tony actually.

 

He could totally see Tony being drawn to him. After all when it comes down to it Steve and Tony don’t share much.

 

“Do I have something in my face?”

 

“No, Stephen” Natasha comments dryly. “Steve is just afraid that you might steal something he isn’t even sure really belongs to him or ever will.”

 

“Interesting,” Stephen Strange answers in a tone much more suited to say _Who cares._ “And what’s that undefined piece of something I’m about to steal?”

 

Before Natasha can answer and embarrass him further, Steve tugs her away. Later on Steve will blame it on his whole confused mind that he doesn’t realize she skilfully pushes him towards Tony until they bump into each other

 

“You look distressed,” Tony says, and it’s not clear if he is talking to Steve, Natasha or both.

 

“There is just word going around,” Natasha states.

 

“Word?”

 

“Yeah, that you and the Doctor might be more than just friends.”

 

Tony almost lets his plate drop. “What?”

 

Natasha shrugs. “I’m just repeating what others say.”

 

“I didn’t even know until now that we are friends, let alone more,” Tony says, clearly bewildered.

 

“Great.” She smiles. “Now that’s settled I need a drink. See you later, guys.”

 

Silence falls upon them once she left, and Steve can feel the air thicken between them. “I just think he suits you well,” he says after a while.

 

“Suits me?” Tony’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. “Like a pair of new shoes? Or because his annoyance resembles mine?”

 

“That’s not what I mean,” Steve argues, slowly losing his patience.

 

“You are an idiot, you know that?” Tony states.

 

“I have to be,” Steve huffs. “Because I’m still here!” He bites down on his tongue. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

 

“We should not have this talk here,” Tony says quietly. “Not when I’m…” he pauses. “And you are…”

 

Steve knows exactly what he means.

 

Not when they are about to hurt each other and everyone else is going to listen.

 

 

~~~

 

Tony waits for him at the terrace, or at least Steve wants to believe he waits for him. He is sitting on one of the stairs leading down to a fancy outdoor bar. When Steve approaches him, he shows him his glass with orange liquid inside. “That’s orange juice, in case you were thinking about throwing a drama again.”

 

Steve sits down next to him. “It’s not me who is being dramatic.”

 

Tony doesn’t say anything for a few moments, then he sighs. “I know.”

 

Tony hands him his glass with juice, letting him take a sip from it. It tastes bitter. He hands it back without saying anything though.

 

“Do you want to know what it really is?” Tony asks, eyes scanning Steve’s face sharply, like he just waits for him to slip.

 

“No, I trust you,” Steve says.

 

Tony chuckles. “No, you don’t, but thank you for saying it.” He pauses. “Grapefruit.”

 

“Ah,” Steve makes before he sighs. “I’m surprisingly bad at this. Sorry.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Tony snorts and shifts the glass between his hands. “It’s not like I’m particularly good at it either.”

 

Steve looks down at his fingers before he gives himself a mental kick in the butt. He reaches out his hand, taking the glass away from Tony and taking his hand. Tony looks surprised, but lets it happen.

 

“I’m sorry,” Steve says, voice hoarse. “For not telling you anything back then, for hiding the truth from you,” he says quietly. “I regret that we fought each other, but no matter how hard I try I can’t come up with something that could have prevented it.”

 

“I know,” Tony says surprisingly earnest. “I know what you mean. But we cannot let this happen again, Steve. Ever.”

 

“I know.” Steve sighs. “I should have told you what I knew about your parents. It was a mistake that I didn’t. It wasn’t right. I know you think I sold you out, saved one friend by betraying another. Maybe I did.”

 

“I did think like that. It’s true that I had these thoughts. But…” Tony looks away from him. “Maybe this doesn’t make sense, but although I might have had this feeling, I don’t like it when you talk about yourself like this. You are the Cap, you fight for what you think is right.”

 

“I shouldn’t have lied to you,” Steve urges. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

 

“Jeez, Steve, you didn’t know what to do. Don’t act like the universe moves around you and the world is going down just because you had to make a tough decision.”

 

Steve snorts. “Sometimes I really have to fight the urge to slap you.”

 

“You are telling me?” Tony raises his eyebrows.

 

“You mean, you want to slap yourself too?” Steve teases.

 

Tony chuckles, and Steve squeezes his hand. “I mean it, Tony. I am sorry for how things went down between us.”

 

“I’m sorry too, Steve.”

 

Steve tries not to show his surprise about hearing Tony Stark apologize He didn’t think it could ever happen. He does not tease him for it though, too scared to rip the soft band re-forming between them again. They are stepping on thin ice, he knows that.

 

“Please forgive me for hiding the murder on your parents,” Steve finally dares to say it out loud and clear.

 

Tony’s lips tug nervously, then he lets out a deep sigh. “I will, Steve, so stop apologizing. It’s getting embarrassing.”

 

“You never called,” Steve urges softly.

 

“I didn’t know what to say,” Tony admits. “Also it was an emergency phone. I didn’t know if you wanted me to call for something… personal.” He shakes his head. “You didn’t call either.”

 

Steve nods. “I thought you wouldn’t want me to call. I thought you would never want to talk to me again.”

 

“I think,” Tony muses. “I would have been happy to hear your voice.”

 

“So you are saying you wouldn’t have hung up on me?”

 

Tony smirks. “Oh, I totally would have, but I would have still been happy to hear your voice.”

 

Steve raises his free hand, touching Tony’s temples, his thumb rubbing over his cheek softly.

 

“Steve,” Tony says with too much finality in his voice.

 

“Don’t say it,” Steve demands.

 

“It’s not going to work.”

 

Steve shakes his head. “It will. Don’t underestimate us.”

 

Tony sighs. “Listen, you said it yourself. Most of the time you want to punch me, and honestly, I am having fun trying to push you into doing it.”

 

Steve raises his eyebrows suggestively. “If that’s what you want just say it. I’m sure Natasha has some ties to spare, and I can smack you wherever you want.”

 

Tony stares at him for a moment, then he laughs. So openly that it almost hurts Steve. He can’t remember the last time he has seen Tony laugh like that.

 

“I want a label on what we are,” Steve hears himself say, pulling Tony closer. He smiles when he feels Tony’s slender fingers brushing through his hair. “I want to know exactly what we are so that I’ll know how to treat you and how to act towards you.”

 

“Fine,” Tony gives in.

 

“I don’t want us to see other people.”

 

“Hey,” Tony smirks. “You were the one snogging in a bar.”

 

Steve ignores him. “I don’t want you to flirt with the magician.”

 

Tony lets out frustrated huff, it’s almost cute. “Why the hell would I flirt with someone who is at least as annoying as I am?”

 

“You are not annoying,” Steve replies immediately. “Well, at least not always.”

 

Tony chuckles. “I wonder if you really know what you are getting yourself into.”

 

“Well, I know I’m getting an intelligent, witty guy who has a good heart.”

 

Tony blinks. Once. Twice. Then he chuckles dryly. “You are completely lost, you know that?”

 

He does know.

 

But he doesn’t mind.

**Author's Note:**

> I just found the idea hilarious that Steve would be jealous of Stephen Strange. Like... could you imagine him and Tony... hm... on a second thought, this could be fun too. XD
> 
> This is my first real attempt on writing Stony - I have written a few drafts before, but never dared to post anything. But now I really need to get all of these feels out of my system. When Tony looked at the phone in the movie, I was like: my fangirl heart can't handle this *lol*
> 
> I hope I kinda managed to get the characters right (I'm a sucker for Tony's wit ♥) Will try to improve!!
> 
> Comments and feedback are very much appreciated of course <3


End file.
